Does Calling Home Help Homesickness?
You hang up after a video call with your family, and for a minute you feel lighter. Then the room goes quiet, the screen goes dark, and the missing comes back stronger than before. Some days you call three times. Some days you avoid calling because you know how you’ll feel after.
So, is calling home good for homesickness, or does it keep you stuck? The honest answer is that it depends on how you do it. Here’s what’s known, and a simple approach that works for most people.
What the research suggests
The research is mixed, and none of it shows that calls cause or cure homesickness. A study of first-year students in the Netherlands found homesickness was highest while they were talking to parents or video chatting, though the authors point out that students may call because they already feel homesick. A US study found more phone calls with parents went with more supportive relationships, while talking to parents mainly over social media went with more loneliness. And research that followed students week by week found that building closer ties at college went with less homesickness over the term.
In practice, the pattern matters more than the number. Calls that leave you feeling supported and ready to go back to your day tend to help. Calls that become the only bright spot in a day spent alone tend to keep your attention on home.
Signs your calls are helping, or not
| Probably helping | Probably keeping you stuck |
|---|---|
| You feel calmer afterwards and get on with your evening | You feel worse after every call and stay in your room |
| You talk about your new life, not just what you miss | Every call is about how much you want to come back |
| Calls happen at a regular, planned time | You’re checking messages from home all day |
| You’re also making some plans where you are | Calls have replaced trying to meet anyone new |
A calling routine that works
- Pick regular times. Every other evening, or a longer call at the weekend. Predictable contact gives you something to look forward to without filling your day.
- Call after you’ve done something, not instead of it. Go to dinner, the gym, or a class first, then call. You’ll have something to share.
- Share one good thing. A new friend, a nice meal, a class you enjoyed. It helps your family worry less, and it reminds you that there are good bits here too.
- Be honest about hard days. You don’t have to pretend. Just try not to make every call about wanting to come home.
- Keep messages light in between. A photo or a quick voice note can feel warm without pulling you out of your day.
Some evenings you’ll want to talk but won’t want to worry your family. SelfMind is a private AI companion you can talk to by text or by voice, whenever you need it. It can help you get through the gap between calls.
Try a quick check-in How You Connect in Relationships
If you feel worse after you hang up
That post-call dip is common. The contrast between a warm voice and a quiet room can feel sharp. A few things help:
- Plan something for right after the call, like a walk, a shower, or a show with a roommate
- Call earlier in the evening instead of last thing at night
- Write down one thing you’re looking forward to this week
- Try a short grounding exercise if the feeling is strong
If you feel low after most calls for weeks, and it’s not easing, our guide to homesickness versus depression can help you decide whether to talk to someone.
Does calling home make homesickness worse?
Usually not, as long as calls are regular and don’t replace building a life where you are. Planned calls that leave you feeling supported tend to help. Constant contact, or calls that become your only connection, can keep your attention on home and slow down settling in.
Conclusion
Calling home is part of a healthy way through homesickness, not the problem. What helps is a rhythm. Regular calls, real updates about your new life, and plans of your own in between.
Give it a few weeks, and you’ll likely find the calls feel warmer and the hang-ups hurt less. SelfMind is there for the evenings in between.
Feeling it between calls?
Talk it through with SelfMind, privately, by text or voice. It’s there for the gaps.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often should I call home when I'm homesick?
There’s no perfect number. Many people find a regular rhythm works best, like every other day or a longer call at the weekend, with light messages in between. Constant contact all day can make settling in harder.
Why do I feel worse after calling home?
The contrast between talking to family and returning to a quiet room can sharpen the feeling for a while. Planning something for right after the call, and calling earlier in the evening, often helps.
Are video calls better than phone calls for homesickness?
Either can help. Video can feel closer, while a voice call can be easier to fit into a busy day. Choose whatever leaves you feeling supported rather than more unsettled.
Should I stop calling home to get over homesickness?
No. Cutting contact usually isn’t necessary or helpful. Aim for regular, planned calls and spend the rest of your time building routines and friendships where you are.
What if my parents call me too often?
It’s fine to suggest a regular call time that works for everyone. Explain that you’re trying to settle in, and that you’ll share updates at those times.