Gaslighting

What is gaslighting?

The term comes from Gas Light, a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton that became the 1944 film Gaslight. In it, a husband tries to convince his wife she's losing her mind. Gaslighting happens with partners, in families and friendships, and at work.

Key things to know

Common signs include being told events never happened, that you're too sensitive, or that you remember things wrong. Over time you might second-guess yourself, apologise a lot, and feel confused or alone. The word gets used loosely for any disagreement. Real gaslighting is a repeated pattern, and it usually builds slowly enough that you don't notice it at first.

• It's a repeated pattern, not a single disagreement.
• The aim is to make you doubt your own memory and judgement.
• It can happen with partners, family, friends, or at work.
• Keeping notes helps you hold on to what really happened.
• An outside view from friends or a therapist helps.

What helps

Write down events as they happen, and talk to people outside the relationship. Both help. A therapist can help you sort out what's going on. If you feel unsafe, call 112 in India. Tele-MANAS at 14416 also offers free support.

How SelfMind can help

SelfMind is an AI companion for everyday mental health support: a private place to talk through what you are feeling, in Hindi, English or Hinglish, at any hour. It is not therapy and not a crisis service; it works alongside professional care, never in place of it. You can try it free, no account needed.

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Try a quiz

What Helps You Trust Someone?. A short check-in related to gaslighting, with a personal result at the end. 2 minutes, free, no signup.

Related terms

• Boundaries
• Emotional validation
• Self-esteem
• Trauma